Muggy
This vacation has gone on long enough. I know I go back tomorrow, but honestly, I could have gone back days ago.
Why, might you ask, am I so eager to banish myself from what most people would consider a nice relaxing get away?
For one, It has been miserable out. My grand visions of sitting outside in the sunshine, listening to music and occasionally taking a dip in the pool were shot to sunshine when Tropical storm Anna decided to let loose her sloppy, precipitous load all over Tampa. When it isn’t cumming forcefully down, it is just gray and abysmal (a trait Michigan is already well known for). Not to mention I spend most of my day alone, cooped up, with only my thoughts for company. If you know anything ab out me, leaving me alone with nothing to do, no where to go, and a lot to think about, does not lead to a particularly happy Sean.
I mean I’m not complaining, it’s more that For whatever reason, being hear, is “bummin’ me out”. Which is exactly what it is NOT supposed to do.
Anywho, I had lunch with my Grandma today. That Old bird is hilarious. Most people, I think, would become quickly tired or frustrated with her often aimless and nearly always angry rambling. But I find it endlessly entertaining. I have no fucking clue what shes talking about, and its excellent. It’s like reading a mystery novel in media res: She talks about characters I’m already supposed to know, in places I have never been or heard of, and doing things that must be completely second nature for her, but by the sheer mix of jargon and special crazy she exhibits, little to no real sense to me.
It’s like a mystery in that I have to play detective. Me: “Ok, slow down, start from the begining” or Me: “So this Lisa character you mentioned… She’s not a fan of Tommy?” or Me: “Well if these insurance companies in New Jersey are so Corrupt, why did she call Ted Kennedy, and not the police?!” (I, as a detective, always hate it when the victims refuse to involve the cops.)
Occasionally its like listening to an angry rendition of a dream. She will start on one subject, then all of a sudden we’re talking about something completely different, but somehow imperceptibly related. The people in the story or discussion float in and out, and rarely does she give any names, because, after all, in a dream you might be sitting next to your friend one minute and then a total stranger the next, but they serve the same purpose in the dream. And like a dream, the sequence of event sin a conversation are nearly pointless.
ANYWHO, gotta go!
Brain-dead youth in the Land of Old-New-York-Jews
Current music: Stereo Lab – “Vodiak”
So! Florida has been a mixed bag. I really feel at moments I’m going to tear my hair out. And then, magically, I’m in a great mood. I have to say, I really feel it was a certain person’s constant fowl mood and overall rudeness that was tainting my good time.
So far… Well, I’ve managed to make the best of my time. I’ve slept nearly 11 hours a day on average. I’ve read a little bit of Ghandi’s Autobiography and the Taming of the shrew. Odd combo, I know. Yet, It gets even odder when you factor in that the time inbetween these books is spent playing Pokemon and WoW…
I’ve done little to nothing constructive, and it’s exactly what the doctor called for. Listen to thunder storms and let the mind wander.
On and different note, I’ve received my first pair of Converse kicks. They feel like magic on my feet. I’m honestly not kidding, they aren’t exactly super comfortable, not yet. But they quietly promise to be the most comfortable, understanding sneakers I’ve ever encountered. Anytime I where them I feel like fucking Jesus. They feel like my disciples, two of the loyal ones. Fuck Peter. Or some loyal hound that only serves to make his master more badass. And anytime I wear them, I can’t stop thinking about the Sandlot. It’s everything I could want in footwear and more.
Anywho! I guess I’m just posting this so as to kill time as WoW updates… again… I went through this once, and then the computer, which has recently been a real darling and worked very complicity… crashed. No warning, no reason, just a SNAP — and then blackness. I bet that’s how death is. Just like a computer crashing. SNAP.
So, I can’t help but post here how excited I am for this year. While I am absolutely terrified at the imminent approach of may, having recently received a 4.0 and 3.0 for the summer has me feeling confident in my ability to kick academics int he nuts and take the grade I want. I feel like the coming cold will drive me into the gym, WoW will provide my brain-dead time and nerd-needs, I have the most advantageous job to get it all done, and a great gal to skip with me all the way home.
I feel like I write this post at the beginning of every semester, but this time…Cross your fingers…
A full day of nothing
Location: Snyder Hall, NR duty
Music: The Strokes – Is This It?
Today has been one of those long, lovely summer days where nothing gets done because there is nothing that really needs to be done.
All day I’ve been greeted by the rolling roar of thunder and the trickle of rain. I think there must be something Pavlovian trained into me, but I always get sleepy when I hear rain. More impetus to move to Seattle one day. Insomnia solved.
Grabbed breakfast at Tony’s with Amanda before we wandered around the Folk fest in down town EL. That place is chalk full of memories. Somehow it never feels nostalgic when I’m there though. The moment has to pass for you to be able to reminisce about it,I think that particular story is still quite in full swing.
The Folk fest was exactly what I guessed it might be:Senior citizens listening to music played by senior citizens while nomming on food cooked by senior citizens (and a few boys from the bayou who know their way around a can of cheese whiz). All in all it was kinda fun walking around and checking out the spectacle. But, as I beleiveI made it very clear, I may have been temporally out of my element.
Amanda, Sam, and I Hung out for awhile after the two of us got back. They decided to rent some french film with a lot of timid artistic sex between a large silent Russian man of lower birth, and, what appeared for all purposes to be, unattractive Anna Paquin from the future. Id give it a B, and only for the fetish-potential aspect of the film. It seems like a great gate-way to Waspish couples looking to get into role playing.
“Ok, honey, now I’ll be the Russian grounds keeper and you be Anna Paquin. Oh yeah, I like how confused and silent you are. Express how you feel with your eye brows for me…yeah… Arc those fuckers you dirty little thing you… Anna…”
15 seconds later they feel ten times more sexually liberated than before they were before their kids.
Anywho, I was only mildly paying attention (and really only to heckle and insert dialogue where needed [which is like the whole movie]) Most of my time was spent reading, and eventually finishing, Preacher. An excellent Graphic novel by Ennis. I don’t wanna ruin anything for anyone (all two of you I know who might read this) but it’s darkly funny and wonderfully graphic, basically right up my alley.
The rest of the day was spent puttering around watching snipets of movies, south park, reading, and enjoying what must be quite a brawl in the sky. Amanda, Sam and I had a wonderful greek mythology geek-out moment playing with the concept of thunder and lighting actually being due to the gods getting shit faced and all your classic party motifs unraveling up on Olympus. Needless to say their was all kinds of Goose on god action, due to the look of the storm.
And now here I am… shall we say… Procrastinating?
I told myself I would do HW… but the internet just keeps reminding me what a wondrous world I live in and compels me to indulge it in a few more searches… then I guess my time belongs to Herr Schindler for the remainder of the evening.
SPDUB OUT
The post that almost wasn’t
When I read through my day, written down in bullet points, it all seems so nice. A perfect Saturday.
I guess, when taken in the moment, it all was very nice. Very perfect in its own right, in its own moment.
I guess its the fact that at some point in our lives we develop the ability to think about time and space in the abstract. I can worry about bills that aren’t due yet. I can be embarrassed about something that happened 10 years ago, and a 100 miles away. I can worry about work and money and school and death and all those things that I either AM not or CAN not do anything about.
It sullies the moments we’re in.
However, some moment’s are just too good to pass up. They beg me to be irresponsible and neglect my daily laundry list of pointless worries. Yesterday had a few good moments like that.
Lying on my bed, with amand’s head on my chest, just listening to the storm roar and pour. The cool breeze gently causing my blinds to clack against the window sill, as I drift in and out of sleep. I wish every day could start like that.
Taking a walk with my brother,as the sun gently dries up the rain. Actually having a good conversation that doesn’t end in one of us storming off. While the moment and the rest of the day were good, in respect to that whole situation, I just wish it were like that always. So much pressure is put on me to fix this, and I can’t stop myself from being angry that I’m the one being held responsible for all of it. If I could just brush that away, and say “so what, it isn’t all my fault, but w/e, I’ll let it go and things will clear up” We’d be fine. But I can’t. I can’t stop wanting… I don’t even know what to call it. I want him to meet me half way. I want him to apologize when he is wrong. I want him to take a nicer tone with me and try to engage me and help out and be generous and just in general give SOMETHING of himself instead of asking ALL of this from me.
Echk sorry for the unnecessary non sequitor there.
You know what, this post has been sitting on my wall for a whole day. I’m gonna safley say I don’t remember the flow of what I was trying to get at. A fresh post is due!
WALSH OUT
What A Feast
So: this is night two of double NR shifts (two more to go tomorrow night). Expect sanity and relative coherency to slowly degrade.
So: Stauff came in to town today! I realize more and more how much I enjoy that man’s presence. He, Mandy Jacobs, Amanda, Ferko and I all decided to go out for dinner. When no one had any firm idea’s on where this dinner would take place I suggested India Palace.
In all my time in East Lansing, I can’t believe I have never been there! The first thing I noticed upon entering the restaurant was the devastating lack of customers. This, however, I have always noticed, either when walking by or talking about India Palace with friends; No on has ever seen this place with actually paying patrons. It wasn’t really a surprise
Everything else, however, was. It was like walking into some early twentieth century English colony in India. I almost felt like Peter Walsh from Mrs. Dalloway, that’s how inappropriate and exploitative I felt in such a classy ethnic resaurant.
Right as we sat down the serves rushed out warm hand towels, of which I was nearly unsure what I should do with (I was half convinced that I had seen someone put it on their face in a movie, and the other half was sure that that would be a serious faux-pas) After that we were treated to “non alcho-holic shots” of somthing “refreshing”. I would be more specific, however as I looked around the table I realized I was not the only one who had been defeated by the server’s accent. We all briefly pieced together what each could decipher of what the man had said about the tiny shout glass filled with what looked like green tea or possibly diluted urine, and eventually decided that he had assured us it was “non Alcoholic” and “refreshing”. All of this was set to a classical score floating about the room. We all felt like we needed to be quiet and proper and talk a bout literature or somthing “fine”. Personally I felt an astounding nakedness as I had never felt before, a longing I could not ignore.
I needed a monocle and top hat. There was just something so… Victorian, about the trip.
Anywho, references to the crumbling English empire and its exploitation of other cultures asside, the food was excellent! Bully!
The rest of the evening before heading off to work was sent hanging out with Chris and Mandy, the later of which and I had an excellent conversation about the “Big Idea’s” of life. It was a good conversation, I’m not sure I’ve had a good conversation on such topics for quite like that in awhile. I’m not really sure why though…
Well I guess thats its own thought for its own post.
Is my diction off?
Man in the Shadows
You know it’s funny. When I go a whole day forgetting to look in a mirror, I forget what I look like.
All of a sudden I’m a little happier. I get a little spring in my step and I take more risks and act and move completly differently. So smoothly, exactly how I see myself in my head.
I have realized that this may be because all I have to go on about my physical appearance and exterior, objective self is my shadow. I become my shadow half (in a completly non-Jungian mannor).
A New Hope
So! A new blog for a new era.
I Originally created a Tumblr account, quickly decided it was not for me, and now I am here.
If you replace the words “created a Tumblr account” with many many other phrases, I feel like that might describe my life up until now.
Who knows though, maybe the cycle will continue, and this blog will sit ont he shelf with many of the other half finished projects that I have accumulated in this life; floating neglect edin cycber space, collecting digital dust.
Anywho!
I toast you all with my frosty plastic cup of ice tea; A toast to new beginings and fresh, clean, blank slates. I’m not even sure where I’m going now, or why I feel the need to share the fact that I’m going there, but something in Frida Khalo’s diary seem to sum it up best, so I will post her words here:
“Well, Who knows!”
